Life with a gambler

Understanding the problem of gambling addiction

Gambling is an addiction that manifests itself in a constant need to gamble, despite the negative consequences. As with other addictions, it is important to understand that gambling is not simply a matter of weak willpower, but a psychological problem that requires professional help.

Gamblers are often driven by the adrenaline rush of risk and the hope of a big win, which can lead to uncontrollable behaviour. Typical features of gambling include constant thoughts of gambling, an inability to stop playing, loss of control and continuing to gamble despite serious consequences.

Effects of gambling on life and relationships

One of the most significant consequences of gambling is financial problems. Addicted gamblers often experience deep debt, loss of assets and sometimes legal problems due to attempts to raise money to gamble.

In addition to financial problems, gambling can also take a toll on mental health, leading to anxiety, depression and, in extreme cases, suicidal thoughts, which can occur in the latter stages of gambling.

For family members and loved ones, living with a gambler can be very stressful. Partners of gamblers can be under constant pressure due to financial problems and emotional strain. Children may suffer from a lack of stability and security, which can negatively affect their development.

What to do if you share your life with a gambler

Living with a partner who is addicted to gambling can be very challenging. It is important to provide support while protecting yourself and joint finances. It is important to know how to cope with the situation and what support you can offer your partner.

Support and communication

Encourage your partner to seek professional help and begin treatment for gambling, and help them find a therapist or support group. Professional help may include individual therapy, group sessions or addiction treatment programmes.

It is important that the gambler recognizes the severity of his or her problem and is willing to address it. Support from loved ones can be crucial in motivating a gambler to seek help for a gambling addiction. Support groups such as Gamblers Anonymous provide an environment where addicted gamblers can share their experiences and support each other on the road to recovery.

The article How to Treat a Gambler can help you with communication and how to have a conversation about problem gambling.

Setting boundaries

Set clear rules about finances and behaviour to avoid further financial pressure. It is usually recommended to separate family finances and restrict the gambler's access to joint money. Set limits on spending and monitor financial transactions.

Clearly defined rules may include prohibiting the gambler from lending money and possibly controlling his or her bank accounts. However, it is generally advisable not to take responsibility for the gambler's finances. However, you must protect the family budget to reduce the risk of financial loss and create a more stable environment for the family.

Finding support for yourself

Seek support for yourself too, whether from friends, family or professionals. Living with a gambler can be very draining, so it is important to feel supported.

Support groups offer the opportunity to share your experiences, get advice and find emotional support. Experts can provide strategies on how to manage stress and how to cope with challenging situations.

Reducing dependency

Don't provide funding for gambling and don't cover financial problems caused by gambling. It is important for the gambler to face the consequences of their behaviour and learn responsibility. Covering debts or providing money for gambling can only make the situation worse.

Instead, help the gambler find ways to address their financial problems, such as through financial counselling. Helping to resolve financial problems can be part of an overall recovery plan, but it must not enable further gambling.

Focus on yourself

Don't forget about your own health and well-being. Give yourself time to relax, pursue your hobbies and socialise with friends and family. Self-care is key to managing stress and maintaining mental health.

Most importantly, realize that your loved one's addiction is not your fault. You are not to blame for their gambling addiction, and if they don't want to quit on their own, you can't force them into treatment. You can provide support and encouragement, but the final decision to change must come from them. Your main role is to be supportive while protecting yourself from the negative effects of their addiction on your own life.

How to rebuild trust with a partner addicted to gambling

Problem gambling can seriously damage relationships. The gambler spends less and less time with you and escapes to gaming. This can make it feel like he or she no longer cares about you, and you may have mixed feelings about this - anger about debts, fear of continuing to gamble, but also a desire to help and support. Therefore, it is very important to rebuild trust in the relationship, which takes time. Take a look at the tips you can try.

Encourage honesty

Talking together, for example, once a week about past hurts and future concerns can help rebuild trust. Encourage your partner to be honest, creating a safe and non-judgmental environment in which they won't be afraid to talk about their temptations. Accept what he will share with you and reward his honesty.

Enjoy activities together

Spending time in fun activities without talking about gambling problems is the next step to rebuilding the relationship. Find common interests and activities that you both enjoy, such as outings, sporting activities, cultural events or a hobby that brings you together.

This time spent together will help restore positive momentum in the relationship and allow you to create new, positive memories. Focusing on positive experiences and joyful moments strengthens the emotional connection and provides relief from stress caused by gambling.

See a therapist or psychologist together

If the situation is very difficult, consider visiting a counselor together, such as a therapist or psychologist who specializes in addiction and family relationships. If you're losing hope, it's important to seek professional help to give you the tools and support you need to cope with this challenging situation.

Educate yourself about gambling addiction so you can better understand what your loved one is experiencing and offer meaningful help. If you're not sure how best to help your gambler, don't be afraid to seek professional help - the fastest way is through the Gambling Helpline: 777 477 877. Or in the anonymous group chat for gamblers.

Article Sources

• Gambling - advice for family and friends | Better Health Channel [online]. [cited 17 May 2024]. Available from: https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/gambling-advice-for-family-and-friends
• Compulsive gambling | Mayo Clinic [online]. [cited 2024 May 17]. Available from: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/compulsive-gambling/symptoms-causes/syc-20355178
• How gambling affects your life | GamCare [online]. [cited 2024 May 17]. Available from: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/understanding-your-gambling/how-can-gambling-affect-your-life/
• Living with a gambler | Ara Recovery For All [online]. [cited 17 May 2024]. Available from: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/compulsive-gambling/symptoms-causes/syc-20355178